


let us find a future in the past

by marvelleous



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Confessions, F/M, They finally have a conversation that involves words, post 5x08, season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 09:25:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13455327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelleous/pseuds/marvelleous
Summary: Living with the assurance that they will all make it back alive means very little, when she's confronted with the knowledge that getting home doesn't mean that they'll be together again.





	let us find a future in the past

Melinda has felt the weight of the world upon her shoulders before, being tasked with something so seemingly impossible and knowing that there was no option but to push aside all personal feelings and get the job done. She remembers it well, the last time she was forced to make such a choice, handed a loaded gun and instructed to kill a man.

A good man.

The best man she knew.

Her best friend; a person she loved, unconditionally.

She had agreed, if only to stop him asking her to end his life, but somehow the situation had worked itself out on that one. The truth is, she never would have pulled the trigger, not even when all plausible solutions were exhausted. He didn't deserve an execution, not after all the good he had done, all he had given to save those around him, and certainly not by her hand.

Hope was fickle then, but it still remained, because she couldn't imagine living in a world where his existence was only a memory. She had survived it before, in the weeks after his death, but those days were dark, like the ones after Bahrain. They only served as reminders of how her life was when he played no part in it.

She has no desire to live like that, not again.

Except the woman who had bled out in her arms only hours earlier, had woven a story of a lifetime where she was forced to do exactly that. A post apocalyptic world where their team and the human race had been enslaved, where she had lost all those that meant something to her, where she had spent her remaining days raising a motherless child, protecting her and believing in her when everyone else had given up.

To her knowledge, that past no longer exists, altered, from the moment they were snatched from the diner and brought here instead, the last day their team was seen together. Somehow it's still terrifying to live with the knowledge that they will all be separated, even here, even now, sitting in her old bunk on the Zephyr, in a future where earth no longer exists. 

Even without Robin’s vision, she believed they would make it out somehow, because they always did, as a team. Knowing for sure brings her only a little relief, because after they save the world and get back home, they’ll be torn apart once more. 

She keeps that part to herself, wallowing in her thoughts as the others prepare for their inevitable fight against the Kree. Her leg isn’t in great shape and whilst she can push aside the pain and keep going, she knows what rest she can get will only help her. 

Footsteps echo down the hall, and she knows even before the curtain is pulled aside that it’s Phil who has come to check up on her. His face pops into her vision a second later, before he makes his way to sit down beside her, tugging at the fabric to ensure that the little privacy that they've been afforded remains.

“How are you holding up?”

Sometimes she wonders why he asks her such questions, given that he already knows the answers. Phil has always been a master of perception, and his knack for observation and analysis has only heightened his senses in that regard. 

“I've had worse,” she tells him, and they both know it to be true. A hole through the leg and having someone bleed out in her arms are not comparable to traumas she's suffered in the past, both physical and emotional, though in the scope of things as a whole, this entire situation is decidedly not great.

He lays a hand over her knee, just below the makeshift bandages binding her wound; the care with which he touches her and the gentle look in his eyes bring her some comfort in such harrowing times. She rests her hand above his, not quite allowing their fingers to interlock, as she continues to mull over the truths she has learnt. It feels wrong for them to keep secrets from one another, especially now, after all the things they have been through, together and apart and somehow always finding their way back to each other in the end. 

Even after both their deaths.

They shouldn't have been able to survive this long, with all the odds stacked against them. Most only had the chance to live one life, and here they both were, already on their second. She has a feeling that a third won't come so easily.

“I know you don't like talking things through, but we have a little time now. Is there… is there anything you want to discuss with me?”

It’s a loaded question that he's asking her, because there are so many things that they  _ need _ to talk about, conversations they have been putting aside for years, because no time was ever the right time for them. But for so long she hasn't wanted to, avoiding having such discussions for the fear of whatever repercussions may come of them, unwilling to give up the way things were, just for a chance at something better.

Something she truly desired.

Or rather, someone.

It doesn't really matter now, because she already knows how this will all pan out. No matter what they do here, the world will be saved and they'll get to go home and she will likely never see him again. She wonders why that must be, what she did in her lifetime to deserve an ending like this, where she is forced to live without him. Her past is far from untainted; she’s taken lives and caused destruction, but all in the name of SHIELD, always for the greater good. She was trained to fight, to protect, but no amount of training could have ever prepared her for the life she has led.

“Melinda.”

His voice breaks her out of her tumultuous thoughts once more, and she knows by his tone that he's concerned, that he's likely figured out there is something she wishes to avoid discussing with him. He shifts, his hand turning beneath hers until their palms are pressed together, and it’s right in this moment that she knows she doesn't want their time together to end. 

It can't, not like this.

There is no more future for them, not together at least, and she thinks back to the last time she thought he was lost to her, trapped in an alternate dimension with no way of reaching out. She had asked herself a question that day;  _ what the hell are we waiting for?  _ There really is no right answer, nothing that makes sense. They could have had a taste of happiness together, before the world tore them apart again.

Didn't they earn at least that, after all that they have done?

He looks a little surprised when she leans in towards him, shocked, as she reaches out her other hand, brushing along the line of his jaw. She inhales, closing her eyes the moment their lips meet, allowing the kiss to last only a moment before she pulls away. It's burned into her memory now, this image of them together, if only for a second, and maybe that won't be enough for her when he's gone, but it's something.

When she feels him shifting away from her, she wonders if it's a good thing that they never took this step, all those years, because maybe there isn't supposed to be a future for them. She feels no regret for her actions, only the same emptiness that has always resided within her heart and mind. Her gaze stays firmly locked on her own lap when she opens her eyes once more, and she allows herself one more moment to get a hold of her thoughts before she moves to stand, ready to go and do what has to be done. 

His hand shoots out and snatches her wrist before she’s managed to fully rise, and she finds herself falling back against the bunk, unable to hover between two positions without excruciating pain radiating through her leg.

“Robin told you something, something else, didn't she?”

His tone is harsher now, his grip on her tight, and she takes in a shaky breath before she turns to look him in the eye, gritting her teeth when she sees the wavering expressions of confusion and anguish upon his face. She doesn't want to tell him, but she knows that giving him all the facts is the right thing to do. 

“We make it back, to the moment before we’re taken.”

She says nothing more, and by the realisation dawning in his eyes, she knows she doesn't have to for him to understand. They were taken from the diner because it was the last time their team was seen together. There is no doubt that they’ll prevent this cataclysmic event, that they’ll stop the world from ending, but at the end, they’ll be taken right back to where it all started, and have to accept whatever future was in store for them.

He nods slowly, processing the situation, and then he’s reaching out towards her, pulling her into his arms. She presses her face against his neck, allows herself to accept this comforting gesture, savouring the feeling of them wrapped up in each other, the way his hands move in slow circles against her back, as if trying to wipe away all her fears.

It is here, in her dimly lit bunk, obscured from the rest of the world by only a makeshift curtain that she tells him all the things she learnt, about the other life that she never had to live through, the one where she finally had the chance to be a mother, but where he was no longer by her side. It is after listening to her tales that he makes mention of his deal with the rider, when he tells her that he has no choice to go, but vows to come back to her, no matter what happens. It is then that they finally have an honest conversation about  _ them _ , about the bond between them and their hopes for something more.

It is then, that they ignore all other factors, and take that final step, towards each other.

He kisses her this time, only after telling her what he had made known to the rest of the world long ago, that she means everything to him. She smiles, for the first time since they were reunited earlier, and knows that hope has returned, with the knowledge that things don't have to end here. They make only promises that they know they can keep, that they will never cease caring for one another, never stop trying to find their way back to each other, and in this moment, that's somehow enough.

She rests a hand on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath her palm, smiling as he presses his cheek against her own, feeling the slight scratch of his stubble against her skin. Their noses brush and she kisses him again, because time is running out and she doesn't want to let any of it go to waste. 

They are wrapped up in the moment, blind to the world around them, and as a result, do not hear the hurried footsteps outside until the curtain is tugged aside, punctuated with a few loud gasps of surprise and followed by a series of muffled apologies as Fitz pulls both Jemma and Daisy away.

“We’ll get through this,” Phil mumbles against the hollow of her throat, and as always, she believes him. 

_ “Together.” _

**Author's Note:**

> as always, if you enjoyed, i always appreciate kudos or comments :)


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